Did you really think Barbie dolls
were simply loved to the end of their days?
Did you think that the somewhat
disheveled Barbies lining the shelves of the Goodwill found homes
with sweet little girls who looked beyond the home-hair-cut-frizzy
coif, fingers and toes lost to rambunctious kittens or puppies
and their frayed clothing, all to find a doll to care for and
spend countless hours playing with?
Think again, folks....
You thought when you tucked her
away to give to your child years from now that she would simply
lie there like a rug, waiting for another generation to abuse
Well she didn't...
She got sick of being encased in
plastic (not to mention that she was starting to suffocate), and
while you grew up, married, and kept her packed away for those
children of yours, Barbie had a life too!
That's right, she used those perfectly
manicured fingernails and busted out.
She hopped from job to job...was
a doctor, dentist, teacher, veterinarian, NASCAR driver, basketball
player, and even a princess!
But her life just didn't seem complete until she
Barbie's life was perfect beyond
her wildest dreams. She and Ken had a penthouse apartment in the
city, where they frequently hosted chic celebrity parties, as
well as a home in the country to get away from it all.
The 2.5 children quickly became
reality and then some, when Barbie gave birth to seventeen babies!
Yes...life was bliss for Barbie,
Ken and the children.
She panicked...were those late nights
at the office really for work? What about all of those business
trips? Maybe he was dying of some horrific disease...
Trembling in fear, with tears streaming
down her face, she asked Ken what was wrong.
He told Barbie the truth...their
marriage was a sham...an attempt by him to fit in at the law firm
he worked for...he needed the perfect wife and the perfect little
family to become a partner, and now that he made it, he could
hide his true self no longer...
Ken revealed that he was a woman
trapped in a man's body, and would be leaving for Switzerland
for a sex-change operation (though, according to my own recollection
of Ken dolls, the operation couldn't have made a drastic difference).
Barbie was devastated (it didn't
help that Ken looked much better in that dress than she ever did).
At first, Barbie went wild...she picked up strange men at the
Piggly Wiggly while she was out riding the motorcycle she blew
the divorce settlement on.
Utterly alone, a despondent Barbie
hit rock-bottom...realizing her life had become nothing but a
string of one-night stands, meaningless liasons with men she found
on street corners and in the meat department of the grocery store,
she sank into a deep depression. At her lowest moment, Barbie
attempted suicide, but was unsuccessful in her effort.
It's been years since Ken left (he
is now known as Kenita and works as a beauty rep for a major cosmetics
organization) and Barbie has hit her 40's...the ravages of time,
early menopause and her lifestyle have caught up with her.
And now here is your chance to own this extremely collectible, extremely
limited edition "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie." You
won't find this beauty in stores anywhere!
Do you need a perfect gift for that hard-to-buy-for person
on your list? What says "I love you and your many moods...I
understand your body is undergoing normal physical changes right
now and I will be a compassionate partner to you during this time
in your life please don't kill me," better than this doll?
Features you or that special someone on your gift list will
enjoy with your "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie"
This Barbie would be the perfect addition to any home...or
Stand her on your desk and feel good about yourself on even
the worst of days! Take her out to the bars and clubs - your days
of being the "pretty one's friend" are officially
over when you are with Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie!
Place your bid now and own this one of a kind piece of art
that will be sure to have you thinking (Please note: Author/"artist"
can not guarantee what you will be thinking about).
Priority Mail shipping, handling and delivery confirmation
will be $4.50 for this fabulous doll! C'mon...you know
you've got to have it and you will want it in two
to three days!!
I try to ship each day Monday through Thursday, but am flexible
if you are in a situation where you really, really, really,
gotta-have-it-now, going to die without it and can often manage
to get to the post office on Friday and Saturday as well. Global
Priority Rates are also available.
PayPal is swell, money orders are wonderful too and checks
of the non-rubber type are also welcome!
Please feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
for rates, questions and comments!
Best of luck to
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